Message in the bottle

If I were to die, I want to die on a rainy night and to be able to look out of the window before I exhaust my last breathe.

I would like to see the rain.

I would like to listen to it.

I would like to smell the rain and feel the cold breeze that comes along with it.

Death isn't scary, you won't see darkness because you won't know your existence and you won't feel time.

Time cease to exist upon death as it did before birth.

It would drive a person mad to be aware of time for eternity from before birth and beyond after death.

Message in the bottle

I had another dream just now...

You called me to meet you at Conrad Hotel which was located at a top of a hill with a long winding road.

I was in a cab stucked in a heavy traffic.

I managed to reach the lobby and messaged you. You told me to meet you at Changi instead. You had just reached there.

On my way along the highway, you told me to find you in Redhill.

Frustrated, I rushed over.

When I finally see you, I carried you over my shoulder and spanked you!

Message in the bottle

If you pointed a knife at me, I wouldn't hesitate to walk into it.
Death is so much easier.

Where would I be when you read this? Would I be sleeping by your side?

If I were sleeping, I must be really tired...

Message in the bottle

I dreamt of you again last night...

It was an evening and I was stalking you...

Message in the bottle

14th January, 2009, this is the day we met for the first time.

The location, Jurong Point.

You were still having issues with that guy...

I was nothing more than just a casual friend.



Last night, I dreamt of you again.

I was running and rushing to your apartment.

Apparently, you had another relationship desaster and was on my way to rescue you out of your mess.

There were two guards and I had no way to go up your place except to scale up the wall.

And I did. I scaled the wall with my fingers clinching to the joint of bricks.

It was slow, painful and risk of falling.

And I did fall and the security guards came to see. I was standing there, but they couldn't see me.

I was invisible.

You came back home with two guys following you. You had enough with them, they wanted to marry you, but you didn't want any of them.

You were so frustrated with them, you shout and scream at them.

I tried to intervine, but to no avail. You couldn't see me, no one could see me.

I was dead in that dream...

Message in the bottle

The best thing I could give you is walking away from you.

This is what I am good at doing, walking away!

You wouldn't love me the way I love you.

You wouldn't look at me the way I looked at you.

You wouldn't kiss the way I kissed you.

You wouldn't hold me in your arms the way I held you.

No, you wouldn't do these to me, you wouldn't love me.

You need comfort and security, but you wouldn't need love.

Love give you least comfort and bring you insecurity.

I suppressed myself from having a relationship with you. I knew a relationship with you would lead to breaking up.

I wanted to be with you, to be there taking care of you, watching you. I allowed myself to see you with other men.

And then you wanted marriage, marriage isn't what you want. You wanted a lavish wedding.

You were lost, while preparing that wedding, because it was the first time you think of love. It held you back, afraid that it was all wrong and he is the wrong man.

You turned to me, asked if I would marry you in his place.

I gladly agreed despite knowing that I don't have the mean.

I knew I was going to lose you for good this time.

And I did lose you when you confessed that you didn't want to hurt me.

Message in the bottle

And I saw you alone in the darkness, and all the memories of you keep coming back.

I saw you walking away from me

I saw you cried

I saw you so lost

And I am so afraid, so afraid to leave you alone again

Message in the bottle

How much time do we have left?

I love you!